What is Good?

I started a Gratitude Journal a long time ago.  When I was very consistent with it, it felt very helpful to list out what I was grateful for and lifted my mood.  That practice fell away until late 2017 when I was a participant in a coaching course* where one of our assignments was to write what is GOOD, about ourselves, our lives, our days.

While similar in scope, asking the question What is Good seemed to open up something in me that asking what I am grateful for did not.  It brought to mind so many more things, the little things about each person, each day, each moment.  For me, Gratitude is a bigger picture, more of a sweeping overview.  What is Good seems simpler, more freeing, easier.

When you look for what is Good, you start to notice more of what is Good.  At first, it was challenging to list as many things as I could about what is Good about myself, much easier to list those things about others that I like/love.  Part of the assignment was to list what is Good about those in our lives that we struggle with.  That one was much more challenging!

However…when I really sat down to do that, it allowed me to see other people in their humanity, separate from their behavior that I may object to.  I also started noticing that there was really no one in my life that I truly struggled with or did not like – when I separated the behavior from the person.  So freeing to see that!

So….if you are so inclined to test this out yourself, here are some questions you can ask yourself (helpful if you journal your answers)
For each of these following three questions, your list can include personality, qualities, strengths, skills, behaviors, attitude, actions, etc  See if you can list at least 25 things for each.

1.What is Good about you?
2.What is Good about those in your life that you like/love?
3.What is Good about those you struggle with?

For the next three questions, include activities, people, places, experiences, accomplishments, etc
1.What is Good about your life as a whole?
2.What is Good about your past?
3.What was Good about today/yesterday?

If you want to learn more about this, here are two great resources.  I will be focusing my next several newsletters on topics similar to these that also came from the following resources:

Jackie Kelm – Jackie led the Appreciative Engagement Coaching model course I just completed where this practice came from – if you are not a coach, you can still benefit from her resources to help you live a more joyful life)
©www.AppreciativeEngagement.com

Rich Hanson – Hardwiring Happiness – The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence

Three Essentials of Change

People come to me because they want something to change in their life.  That “something” could be a change in their work situation (a better working environment, achieve greater fulfillment…) or  a change in their overall life (more quality time with their family, better communication with their colleagues…). 

In the years I have been helping clients through changes like these, I have found three essentials that are critical elements to help move from the idea of change to taking action around change: Clarity, Confidence and Courage. 

Clarity – Part I 

What Do You Want?

If you don’t know what you want, it’s pretty hard to take a step forward.  You know you want “something” to change, but may not even be sure what that “something” is.   From my clients, I will often hear things like:

“I want to be happy, more fulfilled, better balance….”

“I am very clear about what I don’t want, what is dissatisfying or frustrating….”

Both of these are great places to start, and still more clarity is needed to understand what each of these areas mean to you, what they may look like, feel like?  You know you have “enough” clarity when you can see the beginning of a path, the glimmer of a direction, enough to see the next step.

Whether you have a glimmer or full clarity, your next step is to “anchor” this clarity so it feel real before you get to Clarity part 2

Confidence

How much do you believe in yourself? Believe that what you want is possible for you, that you have what it takes to make it a reality?  When you believe that what you want is possible to have/be/do, you are much more likely to commit to it, and often find the resources to make it happen more effortlessly than you may think. When you do not believe something is possible for you, you often won’t even try.  Not feeling very confidant right now?  What if I told you that you can be more confident in a matter of minutes?  You have gotten pretty far in life already using your unique combination of strengths, qualities and skills.  When you think about the clarity that is taking shape, imagine how you will use what you already have to get what you want.

William James said ““Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” 

Want a boost to your confidence?  Take courageous actions

Courage

So often, I hear people say “when I am more confident in…I will then move forward with….”  What happens?  Often nothing.  Courage is the ability to take action with the confidence you already have, while venturing into some unknown.  Those courageous actions build your confidence even further. A courageous action is something that takes you out of your comfort zone. These actions can be small steps or giant leaps.  You choose.

You also do not need full clarity to begin taking courageous action.  A glimmer of clarity can illuminate your next step.  When you take that step with courage (and with the confidence you find within you) it will lead you to greater clarity, greater confidence and your next step.

Martin Luther King said “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step in faith.” 

Clarity – Part II

How Will You Get There?

Notice I included this section last.  So many of my clients want to know the How as soon as there is a glimmer of clarity.  What I have found is that the HOW is best discovered/considered after the “what” is clear and compelling, after you have discovered the confidence already there within you and after you have begun taking some courageous steps.

If you start to think about the HOW too early, before there is real clarity and stronger confidence, you run the risk of letting go of many ideas and wind up back at square one.

As you may be noticing, Clarity, Confidence and Courage is not a linear process.  You are not finished with one before moving on to the other.  They work in tandem, building off of each other, strengthening each other.  These elements can also show up in various ways and at various times throughout your change process.

Here is one example of how these elements were expressed in a client I worked with: 

A client and I had worked together through his transition from one role/one industry to a higher level role in new industry.  We worked together on helping him gain Clarity of where he wanted to be and how to focus his marketing efforts in his job search to go after this new role/industry.  He landed the job he wanted and excitedly got started.  A few months in, he started questioning his choice, you see this new environment was vastly different than his old one.  New set of expectations, new pace, new everything.  For a moment (or two) he began questioning his Confidence – could he succeed and excel in this new environment?  He realized that he needed the Courage to step out of the comfort of the old model into this new one.  The Courage to test out new ways of showing up, to confidently use his strengths to work in this new space.

If you are struggling with any of these areas, contact me for a free consultation to discuss what is going on for you and learn how I can help you to gain greater clarity, confidence and courage as you embark on your change.

 

The Power of Your Words

Have you ever noticed the words you use when you are describing your present circumstance, your life, or your career pursuits?

Do you ever hear yourself say any of the following (or something similar):

  • My job search is so hard
  • I will never get new clients/business
  • My life is such a struggle
  • I hate my job

Which words have the most emotional impact on you as you read those statements?  What happens to your behavior when you hear these words?

What if I were to just change a few words in each statement:

  • My job search is easy
  • I often get new clients/business
  • My life can be amazing
  • My job is a great fit

What is the emotional impact when you read these statements?  Now you might be thinking – but some of these are just not true!

If that is the case in your world, here is another alternative to these statements:

  • My job search is tiring
  • I sometimes get new clients/business
  • My life can be challenging
  • My job is not a great fit

What is the emotional impact now? What may be different in your behavior?

What if I were to keep going, using these last statements and changing several words:

  • I am adding new strategies to my job search to make it more interesting
  • I am doing more of what already works to attract clients/business
  • Many areas of my life are full and rewarding 
  • I am creating a new role here based on what is a good fit

Now how do you feel?  Notice how the focus changed with the addition of these new words?  What might be different with your behavior as you read these statements?

The words you use, whether out loud as you discuss your life with others, or inside as you mull things over in your mind can have a profound impact on your mood and behavior.  When you use words that are empowering, energizing, inspiring – it often lifts your mood, and elevates you to action.  When you use words that are limiting, deflating or doubtful – it often plummets your mood and decreases your action.

An Exercise for you…

  • Notice your own words and how you feel after using them.  If you are not sure (not noticing), ask a trusted friend/family member to notice and tell you what word(s) they hear you say often, then ask you how you just felt when you said them.
  • Notice if there are 1-3 words that you often use to describe things that cause negative emotions, and decide what you would like to replace them with.
  • Tip:  Think about how you behave when you use these limiting words, and how you would like to behave.  Which words help you to behave that way?
  • Practice the new word(s) and notice the impact they have on your life.