Assumption to Curiosity

We all make many assumptions each day of our lives.

The dictionary definition of an assumption is “a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof”.

Assumptions are the stories we tell – about ourselves, about others and the world – that give meaning to what we are experiencing.  Assumptions can have a big impact on our moods, our behaviors, our choices and our overall sense of satisfaction in life.

Of course, there are many assumptions we make that are good, that serve us well.  The trouble comes when we create assumptions that stop us from pursuing or doing what we truly want, that cause us to want to retreat from others, or to limit our lives.  Assumptions can rob us of discovery, of our own sense of agency, our resourcefulness, relationships and sometimes our place in the world.

So, what do we do with all these assumptions?  Be CURIOUS instead.  Curiosity allows freedom to choose what you see and how you see it.  It is a sense of openness about yourself, others and the world. Curiosity brings in playfulness, lightness to what you are seeing and experiencing.

Curiosity can take several forms, two of which are: 

  1. Being Curious about other possible (better feeling) reasons for what you are experiencing
  2. Being Curious about what is already GOOD within/about this situation or person

Here are an example of Assumptions I hear in my work with clients – and ideas to turn them into Curiosity:

The Situation:  You are experiencing some challenges at your job 

Some assumptions that can be created about this:

  • My boss is out to get me
  • My team does not like me
  • This job just cannot be done

What if, when you notice you are making an assumption, you switch to being CURIOUS about reasons for these challenges (that feel neutral or better)?

  • Perhaps my boss and I have different views on this issue
  • Perhaps my team and I have different styles or expectations
  • Perhaps there is another way to get this job done

What if you were thenCurious about what is already Good?

  • When has/does my boss work well with me?
  • When has my team been supportive, inclusive?  When I have I been to them?
  • What work have I done?

How do you know when you are making assumptions that are limiting you?

When you are feeling badly about a situation you are in, notice the “story” you are telling (out loud or in your head) about it.

What if, the next time you made an assumption, you switched to being Curious?

Curiosity can open your world to new, more inspiring and “feel good” views of what is already there.

 

What are you Practicing?

“Be careful what you practice because you will get better at it”.

That is the overall message in Dave Mochel’s Ted Talk: What are you Practicing right now?

Watching this talk got me thinking about all of the things we practice that go beyond the usual (like an instrument, a craft, or a skill we want to master).  Every day, with every choice, we are practicing SOMETHING.

Your HABITS are practices

A habit is formed when you repeatedly engage in something until it feels automatic,  like reaching for fruit instead of cookies when you want something sweet, exercise first thing in the morning before anything else, getting lost in Facebook as you go-to de-stressor

Your THOUGHTS are practices

The more you think the same thought, the more that thought will be the one you go to when a similar situation is presented.  Thoughts like…. “I CAN vs I CAN’T” when you are faced with something new, seeing what is GOOD vs what is BAD in every situation, imagining what can/will go RIGHT/WELL vs BAD/WRONG as you are about to do something.

Your WORDS are practices

Words spoken to yourself inside (about yourself/others/the world) and to others out loud (about yourself/others/the world) – all have a profound impact on your mood, your views and your choices.  Are you using words like WILL vs TRY, WOULD NOT MIND vs REALLY WANT, LOVE vs HATE, BEAUTIFUL vs UGLY, the word BUT to negate the positive things you just experienced/noticed instead of AND to add-to what you are experiencing?

Your WAYS OF BEING in the world, with yourself and others are practices

This includes how you behave and how you “show up” in life….are you PLAYING BIG or PLAYING SMALL? Are you mostly PRESENT or mostly DISTRACTED?  Are you ENGAGING with other or RETREATING from others?

Some practices serve you very well in life, they support your sense of feeling safe, contented, and connected.  Some practices limit your experiences and potential.

What do you currently practice?

What would you LIKE to practice?

Turn your Should’s into Wants

Turning Should into Want

Whether you are imagining what you want for your life and how you are planning your next move or creating new goals to shoot for…

Understanding the difference between wants and should is an important part of the process – why?

When you plan your dreams/goals around something you believe you “should” do, what often happens is… absolutely nothing!  Your best intentions are at a stand-still, which often leads to guilt and just plain feeling badly about yourself.  Sound familiar?

How do you really know whether your goals/dreams are based on something you Want vs think you Should have/do?  Here are some signs to look for…..

They have different energy and drivers

Should – often feels like a push, an ultimatum you may be placing on yourself

Want – feels like more of a pull or sense of excitement, peace or contentment

Different inner thoughts/language

Should – I must, I need, it is expected that I…

Want – I desire, I ache for, long for

Different behavior

Should – stall, reluctance, resistance, procrastination, go through motions

Want – action, engagement, conversation, researching, to do actions

Different emotions

Should – resentment, frustration, bitter

Want – pleasant, excited, eager

How to turn a should into a want

Focus on WHY – why do you feel you should – is there a want buried beneath?

Focus on how you WANT to FEEL about that topic and what that means you want