What is a “hard choice”? 

• It is one where there is no clear answer, no obvious path….
• It is a choice where you may be having to let go of some things that are good, valuable and important for something that is better, more valuable and equally important in the same/different way.
• It is a choice that may have equal pros and cons
• It is a choice where the pros are very exciting and the cons very scary
• It is a choice where you may need to be stretching way out of your comfort zone to achieve

Some examples of “hard choices”?

• Leaving a good career for a more exciting or rewarding one
• Moving from a good environment to one that better suits your needs and wants
• Deciding between two competing goals, that cannot be accomplished together

How do you make “hard choices”?

Since what you are choosing between may have equal/not obvious pros and cons, those lists often are not the most effective in making the choice.  Therefore, the choice may be coming from your heart or gut instinct, not your head. 

Your brain likes certainty (watch for my May newsletter for more on how our brains work), therefore it will feel like the choice is “hard” because the “hard choices” usually involve some (or a lot) of uncertainty.

So…one way to tap into your “gut/heart” about the choice you want to make is to understand your Values – what truly matters most to you. 

Some questions to get you started…

• Why do you want to make this choice?
• What about it is most important?
• How would it feel to be living your life from each of the paths you are choosing from?

A quote I have in my office reads, “Some pursue happiness, others create it”

What that has always meant to me, is that happiness comes from within us, not from attaining something on the outside.  Sure, a healthy family, nice neighborhood, beautiful home, and fulfilling career can help us to feel a sense of happiness, but only when we pay attention to the what we appreciate about those things from the inside.  When we focus on what is wrong, unfinished or annoying, that happiness eludes us.

• We can have the healthy family yet be focused on what they are not doing, or are doing that irritates us and then we are no longer happy
• We can live in a nice neighborhood, yet focus on the noise or traffic and then we are no longer happy.
• We can live in a beautiful home, yet focus on the unfinished projects and then we are no longer happy.
• We can have a fulfilling career, yet focus on the boss that is hard to get along with and then we are no longer happy.

What if, instead, you looked for the  good and potential everywhere you are and in everything you have  – and from that great place choose to create something even better?

How you feel about yourself also plays a significant role in your happiness.

• Knowing your strengths, valuing them and using them often may make your weaknesses irrelevant
• Focus on what is good or great about yourself, just as you are, and you will then remember all the resources you have to tap into even more of your potential.
• Choose to notice the wonder that is there in the small moments that make up most of your daily experience – find those sparks that ignite you to life.

Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness wrote: “a persons happiness can become pervasive if she were to reframe her narrative about an unhappy past, dissatisfying present or hopeless future”

When you are okay where you are AND you want something more/better/different to increase your fulfillment, excitement, adventure, etc.

Why? 

When you feel good about what is going on now, you are often more hopeful about the future, more likely to take action toward it and that action is often more purposeful.  You are excitedly walkingtoward something instead of hurriedly running away.

What do you do if you are less than okay where you are right now? 

Here are some strategies to change your perception or your experience of your current role or environment.

• Your Recent Past – Choose 3 peak moments or experiences in your current job where you excelled, used your strengths or thrived.  Write about them, including what you did in that moment or experience that made them stand out for you.

• Your Present – Notice where your current focus is.  Is it on the problems, frustrations or things you don’t want/like?  If so, put it on what is working well.  Not sure what is working well?  Start to look for evidence of it every day.

• Your Future – Create a vision for what you do want more of in your career.  Then pull from your recent past and present to see where you already have some of it or can begin making strides toward it, right where you are.