Competing Goals

Twice in the same two weeks, from two different sources, I learned about the term/concept of Competing Goals and have found it to be an important tool in working with my clients.

How often do you set a goal that you are really committed to achieving, only to find that for “some reason” you are not following through on your commitment? 

What if you actually are?

On the opposite side of one commitment may be an opposing one that is stronger.  THAT is the commitment you are following through on!  Here is an example of how that could look

New Commitment/Goal – I will be make new connections – personal and professional to build my network

Competing Commitment/Goal – I prefer to stay comfortable with the people I already know

Behavior – If I show up at a networking event, I wind up talking to only those I know, or not going at all

Big Assumptions – Talking to new people is uncomfortable because they will not welcome me or worse, they may think I am not good enough.

In this example, you will notice that the behaviors that you exhibit most often may be those that support the “competing commitment” and not the new commitment.

Contributing to those behaviors are “big assumptions” we make about the commitment we are working with.  These assumptions are created by us!

So, what to do about this?

Step one – notice a NEW goal you have that you are not following through on (at all or to the degree you would like)

Step two – notice what behaviors you have that may be competing with that NEW goal

Step three – determine what big assumptions you have about the goal you want to achieve

Step four – understand the goal you are actually following through on – the one that fits your behaviors, that is your competing goal.

Step five – challenge those big assumptions!  Determine what NEW assumptions you need to have that better fit the NEW goal you actually want to achieve

Step six – “try on” the behaviors that fit that NEW assumption/goal.

What might be some of your competing goals?

The Power of Connection – Building Your Network

Do you think of networking as a “four letter word”?  

For many of my clients, especially introverts, the idea of networking brings up images of having to “work the room” at events full of people you don’t know and feelings of awkwardness among those you are “sure” are more confident, interesting or at ease than you are.

What networking truly is?  Building relationships!  I like to call it – “becoming an insider”.

Relationships start with an initial meeting – which could come from a small gathering where a friend introduces you to someone new, a learning event you attend where you meet fellow participants, a group of likeminded enthusiasts through Meetup.com – the list is endless.

They develop through repeat experiences which could look like – attending monthly events through professional or business groups, joining a committee or board of a professional association, attending the same gym classes weekly, church functions….anything or anywhere you can show up often where many of the same people congregate.

They deepen through the value you add to each other, which could look like – adding tons of value to the committees you are on, forming a mastermind (accountability) group where you support each others growth, having 1-1 “informational” meetings where you get to know each other better.

Here is one of my personal examples of how I got connected to my community as a business owner:

Though my coaching business technically was started in March 2005, I launched into it full time in August 2005 when we moved to Apex, NC from Long Island.  Here I was in a new city where I knew not a single person (except for my husband of course). Luckily I had a great coach who encouraged (well maybe challenged) me to get out in the community and start meeting people. Well, to the still relatively shy me, that was out of my comfort zone. I realized I had a choice. While my body/mind wanted me to stay nice and invisible (comfortable) in my house, in my heart and soul I new it was time to make the leap and get out into this new world (literally and figuratively)….. read full story

When you connect with others that “get you”, it adds a richness, support and strength to what you are already doing.  It can exponentially increase your confidence, understanding and resources.   I’ve been experiencing that partnering with a coaching colleageue, Noa Ronen,  as we have been creating a new program called The Coaches Lab where we bring coaches together to share, learn and grow their confidence as they build their businesses.

Where in your career or life have you felt the Power of Connection?

Bountiful

 

Late this summer I received a wonderful gift – my fig tree finally bore fruit! These were some of the sweetest most delicious figs I’ve ever eaten, and was so pleased to have finally achieved a bountiful harvest!

You see, I planted this tree several years ago. Each year I would see a few green figs sprout from the branches as the tree grew. I would eagerly await their ripening yet when I returned, they were all gone. I suspected that squirrels were snatching the bounty before I could and though disappointed, I realized they must have needed them more than me.

So, this year, as I watched the green figs appear, I imagined a similar fate for them. Now, there were many, many more than ever before so I was hopeful that something might be different, that my patience would pay off – and it sure did!

Why do I share this story? It reminds me of any vision or goal we have for ourselves. We most often want the quick result (of course I was imagining my fig bounty would be received several years before now) and often give up before we ever see it when things don’t move as quickly as we would like them to.

For me and my fig tree, I had enjoyed the beauty of the tree, the shape of the leaves, watching it get bigger each year… and not tying my experience of the tree to the fruit it could bare.

This parallels my own growth as I’ve planted seeds with my business, nurturing them day by day, year by year, expecting that they might yield a positive outcome, though not sure when that would happen, yet not yielding or retreating if they didn’t.  

Then, when suddenly a seed I planted sprouts, it is a beautiful and welcome surprise~