How do you tell the difference between a want and a should? I posted this question on Facebook and received the following answers:
- “When you reach your “should”, you only arrived because it’s what was expected, and you may be content with that. But, when you reach your “want”, it’s much more rewarding when you’ve arrived. There may be more obstacles, but it’s much more rewarding.”
- “A want is more of a desire where a should comes with doubt”.
- “A well established therapist once said to me (in conversation): “shoulds” are sh-t.”
To me, shoulds are those thoughts we have that often pertain to something we do not really want to do, but somewhere we feel we need to or have to. They often stem from beliefs we have about what is “right” for ourselves, others and the world; as well as expectations from others.
Wants, on the other hand come from deeper desires, from something that inspires or pulls us. When we truly want something, as one of the comments indicated above, we will often go to greater lengths to achieve it. Whereas when something is a should, we may keep it on the back burner for a long time…
An example of a want? A friend of mine just had triplets after spending 8 weeks in the hospital on bed rest at the end of her pregnancy. Was it difficult? Yes! What kept her going and feeling positive this whole time? Her deep want to have a family!
How do you tell the difference betweeh your wants and shoulds?