When I ask my clients that question, most say they want to be happy or fulfilled. Yet, what does that truly mean?
It is often hard to articulate, really put your finger on or describe what happy and fulfilled means. Is it a feeling? A thing? An Experience? All of the above? None of the above?
I found a Ted talk that sheds some light on this evasive topic. It’s called “There is more to life than Being Happy” (you will see the link below to watch the talk)
The speaker (Emily Esfahani Smith) brings up several points that I feel relate to the fundamental, foundational aspects of happiness and fulfillment (and therefore “wants”)
Belonging
Being valued for who you are. How you value others for who they are. Ultimately seeking and finding the human connection. With the rise of social media, we may feel like we are more connected than ever, and for some, social media does bring us closer to others. However, nothing can replace the true human connection happens in real, tangible moments with other people. Actual, verbal conversations. Live.
Purpose
This is less about what you want, and more about what you give. How you are (or want to) use your strengths in the service of or to benefit others. I sometimes interchange “purpose” with “impact” as I often hear my clients saying, “being fulfilled means having an impact” to which I reply “what type of impact, how is someone benefited from what you are doing/offering?”
Transcendence
Esfahani Smith talks about this as a connection to a higher reality – which could mean whatever is beyond you or outside of you. Some experience or place you feel a sense of deep grounding. For some this is in art, music, writing – for others this can be running, or meditation – and for others it can be a place of religious worship or nature.
Storytelling
The story you tell yourself (and others) about yourself. You decide how your story reads. If you are creating it in the spirit of your true wants, happiness and fulfillment, you can use the facts within your experience of being you to tell a nurturing story. Perhaps one of redemption, growth, or love or one of what you lost along with the insights and wisdom you gained.
When you discover what these areas mean in Your life – or what you would Like them to mean, that can help you become more clear, more specific about what you Really Want for your life.
When you truly know what you want your life to be like and feel like, two things can happen
- You may realize you already have some (or much) of what you want
- You will now have a specific something you can create and focus upon to bring you closer to it
Here is the Ted Talk: